I won’t feel the loss of losing mum and dad,
Nor being told ‘don’t worry, it’s not that bad’.
Never my own new bedroom, in a brand new house.
Nor family pet, goldfish, dog, cat or mouse.
I won’t feel the love reserved for kids.
I’m just a one line entry on your funding bids.
No welcome home from a long day at school.
You’re only there to apply your rules.
I will never feel wanted, nor welcome here. Your predatory manner only instils fear.
I feel your hate and I sense you loathe.
I am dressed in shame this is how you clothe.
I will never feel the freedom of child.
I am forced to be feral, mean, violent and wild.
I will never know safe and secure, because you rigged the system, so you can’t do more.
I will never know a care free canter back from games or pool.
Nor your support from a touchline, calling the ref a bloody fool.
We will never work in the garden shed. Dad and lad, repairing all that’s dead.
We will never share the passage of time, nor will I look down upon you, knowing proudly your mine.
You’ll never hold my first offspring,
nor will I see you as my Queen and King.
I will feel no love from you or others.
All lost in the noise of absent mothers. You’ve left me here alone to feel.
But nothing here in my world is real.
It can all just vanish at the drop of a hat, when you drive me fifty miles, to another doormat.
Here they might punch, kick, slap, and strap.
But don’t you worry, this is my roadmap.
People, goods, money and life.
All transient entities not worth the strife.
I cannot feel how I know I should.
If the angels could take me, I think they should.
Feel, feel, feel, feel, feel, feel, feel.
This feel you talk of just isn’t real.
I don’t feel your love, nor tears of joy.
I don’t feel your kindness, though I’m your boy.
The day you abdicated was just unreal. For that reason alone, I just can’t feel.